BLUE RIBBON COMMISSION

The Blue Ribbon Hickernut Commission has concluded, all terrorist acts that have been perpetrated against domestic and non-domestic civilians and military personnel, have been committed by Muslims. Though all Muslims are not terrorist , they do not police themselves. So for the protection of all the people, Muslims must be profiled. It is the further conclusion of the commission that, all males arriving at an airport with dark hair, especially with a beard will be searched unless they arrived in a horse drawn buggy. A large bowl of pork rhines will be offered when first arriving at the airport. Anyone eating pork rhines will be routed to the plane, others will be screened further. If you have a towel on your head you will be subjected to the Deliverance cavity search. These recommendations will make our skies safer, and not only speed up screening, but will cost millions less money.

HEAD NUT