VAST, LEFT WING CONSPIRACY

The main stream media perpetuates this conspiracy with their left wing reporting, and non reporting. Date night for the President and First Lady was reported to cost $24,000 the real cost was in excess of a million. The main stream press did not report on ACORN until they were forced into reporting. I could go on and on but, everything is a crisis, and laws must be passed immediately. Every time a law is passed we loose some freedom. The President made a wonderful speech outlining what he wanted in the health care bill, unfortunately his speech bears no resemblance to the bills proposed. The press reported for weeks about the serious breech of decorum when a Senator said loudly " you lie". My question is, saying this in a crowded room full of politicians how did they know who he was talking about?

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AT THE END OF THE DAY

When our President and his followers say, (at the end of the day) it makes me nervous. He may know something he's not telling. His policy's like scrubbing our missile defense system, and spending twenty million tax dollars to bring Hamas to the U.S. scares me. Shutting off water to the most productive part of California to save the smelt makes me wonder where his priorities lie. If the end is near I may move to Kentucky, they are usually about twenty years behind.

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WINE

My first time making wine was August 7th 1978, Marie got me started for religious reasons. The Doctor told her a glass of wine at night would relax her and aid her in breast feeding. She thought that entering a liquor store would send her straight to hell, so I was forced to make wine. I called Uncle Leon to get a recipe from a friend of his in German Town, this recipe called for the use of whiskey barrels. I recruited help from Tony to pick wild muscadines, we hit the mother load at Judge Leslies. We attempted to crush the muscadines in a stainless sink at Tony's milk barn with a ball bat. After this failed we mashed them by hand, we discovered the acid in the muscadines would eat the hide off your arms. We filled two open topped barrels, and added sugar, covered barrels with cheese cloth and waited seven days. After the first fermentation the liquid was drained into another barrel, it was bunged with a bung that had been drilled for a tube, and placed in a jug of water to prevent air from entering the barrel. One cold morning before Thanksgiving the wine had stopped working, the drilled bung was removed, and replaced with the solid bung. Two weeks later we were going to taste the wine, Tony got a claw hammer and was going to use the claws to remove the bung. Me being an expert, working at the distillery, took the hammer from him, and told him the proper way to remove a bung. You hit the barrel on each side of the tapered bung. With the first lick the bung hit me between to eyes and then dented the ceiling. When I recovered Tony was still laughing and we put the tube back in the barrel. We made seventy gallons of good wine, it was 13.78% and once again I rescued Marie.

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ALGEBRA

I have always been good with thought problems, but algebra puzzled me. How could two negatives multiplied together equal a positive? At last our government cleared it up for me. Our President and Nancy Pelosi are lying, they are both negative, multiplied together a positive result will be the answer. I'm positive they will destroy the country.

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SECESSION

The Red States should secede from the Union, there will be no war because the Blue States are against war. The Constitution can be used with new interpreters, and Representatives. States rites will be reinstated, and capitalism will prevail. The Red States have plenty of oil and gas in the Gulf of Mexico, and Alaska to last for hundreds of years. The Red State economy will flourish, and money from oil exports will solve many of the problems that exist today. The Blue States can get power from Chinese made GE wind turbines, with French foreign aid money. In a few years with Gay marriage, abortion, and welfare obesity, the Blue States will disappear like the Quakers.

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EMBELLISHED DYSLEXIA

Years ago before this disorder was studied and understood, if you mentioned a persons name that had this disorder, in a country store you were required to buy everyone a Coke. Our President has this disorder, it is being studied by the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke (NINDS). Unfortunately due to National Health Care Reform all funding for further research has been used to pay for the plan. Our President has been put on a four year waiting list. Until then we can only speculate, he may have been dropped on his head as an infant in Kenya, or this could be a genetically predisposed condition only effecting politicians. Unless there is a miracle in 2010, and funding can be restored, we must use our math skills to understand our President, his statements must be reversed and divided by two to be understood.

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KOPECHNE CARE

As our Nation prepares to get in the big Obamamobile, with Obama driving, I think of 1969 when the Oldsmobile ran off the bridge into the Chappaqiddick. It lay upside down on the bottom, the passenger was left to drown, and the driver escaped unharmed. When the Democrat Congress wants to vote in a health care reform bill, before it is understood, I think of the phrase {Well cross that bridge when we come to it}. We should call a cab, and reform health care for the good of the people not the government.

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CHANGE

The USA will be changed to a Muslim Nation, the Capitol dome will be painted gold with Chinese lead based paint, the Indian looking westward will be removed, and replaced with our President's likeness looking east. This will protect our country from terrorism. Disbanding our missile defense system will save money, and Russia will like us. There is no need to worry the B-2 bomber plans will be given to the Chinese for fifty billion dollars excused from our debt. They will take care of our light work, and promise not to bomb us unless we get behind in payments. This will free up money to provide 100% health care coverage for all US Muslims. The Infidels will be given a VA pamphlet.

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