Government Motors

After the government controlled bankruptcy the government will get the initials G.M., for a meier seventeen billion dollars. The initials G.M. will now stand for Government Motors. The old cars had a body by Fisher, the new Obamamobile , Acorn will have a body by Pelosi. This car will be a hybrid, powered by wind and solar, with emergency pedals for cloudy and calm days. It will be painted green with lead free paint, and the Alpaca hair seats will be filled with soybean foam. This A.D.A. approved vehicle will have a permanent wheelchair ramp mounted on the trunk, for disabled hitchhikers. With two license plate holders, for national as well as the state plates. The new national plates will be photogenic, designed and made by Burnie Madoff. The Obamamobile, Acorn will come with a wonderful warranty, everything is covered, all that is required is three days of paperwork, and congressional approval. The front end has the Pelosi look, wide eyed with a permanent smile. The rear end was inspired by Barney Frank, this masculine look could lead any parade in California. G.M. President Obama will soon mandate every citizen making $250,000 or less to own one of these cars. Credit will be approved by Fannie May, no documentation or down payment required. The $250,000 price tag should not be a deterrent. If you purchase a car this week you will receive a gold plated acorn hood ornament, and a tarp.

HEAD NUT

Tobacco Tax

President Obama signed the bill increasing tax on tobacco, to go into effect Wednesday. I thought increased taxes only affected people making $250,000 and up. I guess I misunderstood him numerous times. This tax will discourage tobacco use, and save tobacco users lives. Children's health care is funded by this tax. If our President is successful in eliminating tobacco use, children's health care would be underfunded. President Obama could be known as a baby killer! I forgot he is pro-choice never mind.

HEAD NUT

Leadership Test

President Clinton gave China missile guideance technology, with the promise they would not use it for military purposes. Surprise surprise China lied, and their missile guideance was advanced twenty years. The Pakistani's, Iranian's, and now the North Korean's have this technology. Fortunately we have the technology and means to shoot down these SKUD type missiles, developed by Russia. We will know in a few days whether we have a leader like John F. Kennedy or Jimmy Carter.

HEAD NUT

P.E.T.A.

People Eating Tasty Animals has started training kids about the evil circus. They want animals captured against their will shipped back to their country of origin. Abe Lincoln must have been one of the founders of PETA. Before he was elected President, he wanted slaves shipped back to Africa, to insure they would not be counted as people in the south.

HEAD NUT

WORDS

Years ago Tarzan was The King of The Jungle, it was an unpleasant place. The transition started with the indoctrination of our children. Now millions of dollars are raised to protect our Rain Forrest, a sacred and pleasant place. A Swamp was a scary place, filled with alligators, snakes, and mosquitoes, now it is a Wetland to be preserved. Global Warming ran into a problem. The facts: The earth is going through a cooling cycle. Most of the Global Warming rallies are being snowed on, or froze out. The solution is simple change the name to Climate Change. The War on Terror is now over, it has been renamed Overseas Contingency Operations. They couldn't sell Toxic Assets so they were renamed Legacy Funds. If I had only realized the importance of words, maybe it would have not taken five semesters to pass two semesters of English. This name changing works so well, we can change Cap and Trade to Pay and Play. Enemy Combatants can be called Yellow Dog Democrats.


HEAD NUT

THE BEST AND BRIGHTEST

A community organizer that went to Harvard, had government experience in Chicago, and Washington D.C. , nominated and appointed tax cheats, and left wing activist, to advise him, had experience necessary to put the country on the right track. Even with these elite qualifications, the best and brightest with their extensive knowledge of government corruption, couldn't protect, and promote the general welfare of the people. My hope has been dashed against the rocks, change is inevitable.

HEAD NUT

AIG

The congressman that voted for the 90% tax on AIG bonus pay, should be remembered and voted out of office. The democrats put the loop-hole in that allowed the bonus money,and when they were caught they claimed to be outraged. The republicans were mad because they couldn't read or amend the stimilous bill before it passed. So they voted for the bonus tax, knowing it was unconstitutional. Giving the money back to the government is like sticking it up a wild hogs a**. The people that have been rewarded for failure, will spend the money more wisely than our government. Every law that is passed restricts freedom. If I made the rules two laws would have to be repealed before another is inacted.

HEAD NUT

MAIZE

Indians first developed maize. This has been touted in our history books to be a great thing. Indians started eating corn and forgot how to hunt and fish. They knew nothing of nutrition, only to fill their bellies. This led to inactivity, malnutrition, and disease. Maize killed more Indians than the White Men. We are following the same path, and forgetting the importance of nutrition, and exercise. Filling our bellies with what food companies claim to be nutritious food. This is leading to inactivity, malnutrition, and disease. Shop around the outside isles at the grocery and get more exercise we know better.

HEAD NUT

Journey

Everyone is focused on the declining economy, but the economic correction is not all bad. My grandparents, parents, and I have seen much worse economic times. These are times that bring our families, communities, and our nation closer together. We will be forced by the economic decline, to slow down. This will allow more time to devote to what really is important, the journey. The journey is looked upon as the good ole days, we should enjoy the journey and not waste that time worried about the economy. We cannot predict what will happen in the future so make everyday a part of your wonderful journey. Our next stimulus package could be garden seed.

HEAD NUT

Ski Trip

About thirty years ago I had watched the Winter Olympic's and decided skiing looked like fun. The opportuntiy came about, to go to Gatlinburg on a ski trip. Even though I had never skied, how hard could it be. I got in line to rent my skis with a troop of Boy Scouts. If these 12yr. old boys could ski, how hard could it be. I picked out a pair of boots that fit, and they picked out the skis to match my height and weight. I rented them for the day, and paid them 2 dollars for insurance. Just outside I met a young man about my age, who said he was from Vermont. He said he had taught skiing, and would be glad to show me. We got on the chairlift, and I could hear the man with the Swiss accent say on the loud speaker, conditions were fine. The next opportunity to get off was the expert slope. On the way up, I was told to snow plow by turning my skis in, this would slow me down. We arrived at the top of the mountain, I jumped from the chair and immediately fell down. The people who followed knew I was a expert,when they had to manover to get off the chairlift. About the time I stood up, the guy from Vermont said, do it like this. That was the last I saw of him. I pointed my skis downward and started going fast immediately. Then I thought of what he told me SNOW PLOW. It had rained the night before, and then dropped to 20 degrees. There was only ice, and snow plowing only increased speed. I tried sticking the aluminum poles in the ice, but they just bent and folded. I only knew how to go straight and I was still gaining speed. My last resort was to lean back hit my butt and slide. The ice was like pavement, the new ski suit I purchased for this trip was wearing through fast. A couple hundred yards later I finally came to a stop. I had lost my tobagan, I saw it up the mountain, but I was not about to craul up and get it. Thankfully the skis were attached to my boots with cables. After much effort I was back up to repeat the controlled crash. Other skiers went across back and forth, all I could do was holler watch out. After numerous crashes the slope was not as steep, I was feeling good. Then their was a series of three jumps. The first surprised me, but I landed on my skis. Just below the third jump was a line of people, waiting to board the chairlift. I had to crash again, thank goodness I was close to the ski rental. The insurance was the best 2 dollars I ever spent. Their was only one buckle left on each boot, the poles were bent, and the skis looked like they were bushogged. The ride down the mountain with 50 skiers on the TRAM was quiet, until someone spotted the butt ground out of my ski suit to the meat. After a roar of laughter, I told them, the next time I wanted to have this much fun I would just jump off the motel balcony.

HEAD NUT

Oil Price

Our problems with foreign countries increase and decrease with the price of oil, when the price goes up, China, Russia, Venezuala, and the Middle East gets cocky. When the price falls, they get quiet. We should base our defense budget on the price of oil. We should also strive to become energy independent. We should use our gas and oil, utilize more nuclear, wind, and solar energy. I've even seen coal burned in a Allison aircraft engine. A magnetic train across our nation powered by nuclear, wind, and solar energy would help our transportation and environmental needs, not one from Disneyland to Las Vegas.

HEAD NUT

Terrorist

President Obama said today captured terrorist will not be referred to as enemy combatants. He is correct they vowed to destroy America, they shall be known as DEMOCRAT'S.

HEAD NUT

Mexican Drug Cartel

The Mexican drug cartels have 90% US manufactured weapons. Most of the full automatic weapons the drug cartels have was, given to the Mexican military and police by the US government. The m-16 that was pointed at me was full automatic. Our boat was boarded off the coast of Mazatlan Mexico, by what I assumed was the Mexican Navy. With no idenification on the military looking boat or their person, they could have been pirates working for a drug cartel.
Having more restrictions on assult looking weapons will not solve the problem. The policies of our government is the problem. The solution would be to stop giving Mexico guns and build the fence. The estimated 39 billion dollars a year taken from the US may have something to do with the fence being delayed.

HEAD NUT

SPRAY

The "SPRAY" was a sturdy vessel made from white oak and hard pine. It was gaff-rigged and had the unuasual ability to steer herself. Joshua Slocum was the first person to circumnavigate the world in this yacht single-handed. Slacum had many decisions to make, like rounding Cape Horn or sailing through the Straits of Magellan. The "SPRAY" had many more wonderful voyages. After refitting the "SPRAY" Slocum at age 63 set off south on a normal voyage. He and his boat disappeared without a trace and no wreckage was ever found.

The ocean never changes, sometimes it's the decisions or the refit.

HEAD NUT

Vote for Money

The integrity of the mostly American citizens that vote, has been desensitized to vote for money instead of freedom.This will provide short term gradification for 95% of the population, but without freedom we will loose democracy and our money.

HEAD NUT

Banks

"I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. If the American people ever allow private banks to control the issue of their currency, first by inflation, then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around the banks will deprive the people of all property until their children wake-up homeless on the continent their fathers conquered".

THOMAS JEFFERSON 1802

History is important HEAD NUT

HOLBOX

It's time to get away: A few years back my wife and I decided to go on a vacation, she didn't know it was also an adventure. I rented this house from a friend, it was located on an island off the coast of the Yucatan. Some of the details I kept from her, thinking she might not go. There were a few details my friend kept from me. We landed in Cancun and a driver was waiting with a placard resembling my name. We loaded into a airconditioned Ford van and left the airport. We traveled about a mile to a Mexican Slum, where our bags were taken out of the nice van and transferred to a real Mexican taxi. This was a non-airconditioned Nissan with a straight shift, when the neighbors pushed the car off our adventure began. We traveled four hours too the end of the Yucatan. We arrived at the dock where the boat was supposed to be, to take us to the island. Thirty minutes later Beato arrived with the boat, a 24' Panga with a 70 hp Yamaha. He delivered us to the island where we walked, while a boy pedaled our luggage on a backward three wheeled bicycle. The island was small about 150 people, they lived in Palapa houses with dirt floors. The house we rented was nice, it was stucco with tile floors. It was located on the other side of the island, with a wonderful view of the water. There were not waves crashing because there was two miles of reef on that side of the island. We were hungary and there was a restaurant on the island. It was open air no doors even the town dog came and went as he pleased. They specalized in seafood because this was a fishing village. We had Spanish menus,
my Spanish wasn't good but I was sure my logic would prevail. I ordered the Mixto and Marie ordered Frito Grouper. I thought I ordered the captains platter, but instead it looked like cut bait, squid, octipus, and other items cut up with lime sprinkled over it. The cervasa was good.
I had a few to wash down the Mixto. Marie was more sucessful her grouper was fried whole, eyes and all, in lard that smelled like coconut. I found out later they fed their hogs coconut. The next morning we traveled to another island. This island had a fresh water cave, I tried to snorkle for the first time. After diving about twenty feet deep, I learned the importance of shaving your mustache. The seal broke and they said it looked like Shamu surfacing for air. The next day Marie and I were sitting on the beach, when a female looking like BO Deric with dark hair jogged
by topless. A minor detail I failed to mention. Since I was already caught looking, I said that's what I have been looking for, if she could only cook like Martha Stewart. I was told I was more like Mixto than the Captiains Platter. ( have to stop now Marie fell at school and broke her arm)

GE

NBC and MSNBC are owned by GE, if the news-casters help elect Obama, he passes Cap & Trade. Then GE makes in excess of 600 billion on windmills and solar panels. A news-caster could loose integrity every 30 seconds.

HEAD NUT

Scandals

R. Allen Stanford was trusted by many people, He took eight billion from trusting people. Anyone with his own offshore bank in Antigua must be on the up and up. Bernie Madoff was trusted by many people, he took fifty billion from trusting people. He gets to stay in his penthouse for who knows how long. Our President is trusted by many people, he is in the process of taking trillions from trusting people. Will he be allowed to stay in the white house during the investigation?

HEAD NUT

Charmin

Toilet paper is more of a hazard to the environment than SUV'S. The solution is organic corn cobs, in biodegradeable packages of three. There would be two reds and a white,the white to see if you need another red. This would work good where there is plenty of water, they are hard to flush. California may have to recycle, I am sure most of them won't mind.

HEAD NUT

Slavery

It is ironic that our first Black President proposes to enslave our children and grandchildren with debt. With indentured servants there was a time limit, with share-croppers they could hope for
good weather. The Red States could secede in opposition to slavery. After secession the slaves
could be freed in the Blue States (like Abe Lincoln). This may be the Hope and Change.

HEAD NUT

Pro Life

Pro Life is one of my core values, I cannot compromise. I suppose a compromise would be allowing only Registered Democrats to have abortions. Then I think of the devastation that would create in Prichard Alabama.

HEAD NUT

Transparent Koolaid

The present administration is serving transparent Koolaid to the people.It is up to the Republicans to add a little color. I think 2000 flushes blue would be approprate.

HEAD NUT

Cap $ Trade

Cap & Trade will not tax you if you make under 250,000, unless you pay a utility bill ,buy gas,
grocerys, or live on a farm. Unlike the Kioto Accord, we could pay our Government for Carbon
credits instead of France. When a US farmer gets a bill $5,000 for 50 head of beef cows farting,
just knowing its going to our government instead of France will make them feel wonderful.

Insider Tip: invest in BEANO
HEAD NUT

Nations Welfare

Our Government is to provide for the common defense and promote the general welfare.
Cutting the defense budget to less than 3% of GNP,and raising taxes to stifel the economy
will make us vunerable and equally poor. We may get a compassionate Dictator, that is the
HOPE and CHANGE .

Hickernut