KWETH

Killer whales eating tasty humans, the Romans have nothing on us we pay twenty dollars a head to view this. When all the whales have been trained, I propose we transfer all the prisoners from Gitmo to Orlando for trial. They can stand next to the pool dressed in a seal suit with there right hand raised holding a fish. They can plead guilty or stand and talk as long as they wish. Extra admission would be payed gladly, and the trials would make money, and help the economy. Moving the trials to Orlando would open up space at Gitmo for Charley Rangel and his staff, they like free Caribbean vacations.

HEAD NUT

TIGER REHAB

In the late 50's Tiger would not have had a problem with sexual addiction. And the last place he would go for therapy, would be Mississippi. I could imagine Tiger at a country club years ago, parking cars or even a caddy, but not going to Hattisburg and wanting therapy for messing around with white women. I don't know how they treat sexual addiction now, but back then it consisted of lighting a cross and a hemp rope. Times have changed, I guess now that Tiger has apologized he will return to Hattisburg and continue with his therapy. If lighting Gator Aid farts, and braiding Nike shoe strings fails in Mississippi, there is a good treatment facility in Grundy County.

HEAD NUT

SLEDDING

Back in the good old days, before Al Gore invented Global Warming it snowed more. We didn't have bought sleds so we made them from what we could find. Our first sled was made from 2x4's and was not fast, which was good because it was also uncontrollable. The next sled we made was from an upright commercial freezer. We removed one side that turned over the top eight inches. It was enameled and was very fast, and uncontrollable. This was fun until all three of us ended up in the ditch, luckily I was in the back and I had my younger brothers to pad the collision. The next year we acquired a used sled, that was factory made. It came a six inch snow that covered the rocks and ground hog holes. We took turns pulling the sled to the top of the hill, the ride was fun. The thrill soon left so we got a 4x8 sheet of plywood and made a ramp. The jump brought the fun back until it was my turn and my brothers piled rocks under the ramp, while I pulled the sled to the top of the hill. The ramp covered with snow was almost straight up, I not knowing the angle had been changed hit the ramp at a high rate of speed. I went about twenty feet into the air, and flipped. When I landed on my back it knocked the air out of me, and I slid to the bottom of the hill. My brothers were laughing, and I was gasping for air, I learned a lot about physics and human nature that day.

HEAD NUT

DSL

Now that China, Africa, and Haiti have high speed Internet. AT&T is going to look into putting a seven party DSL system in Lois and Hurdlow. They have run into a few problems, removing the bird shot from the phone lines, that causes a grounding problem when it rains. Finding the crank telephones is hard since most of them are used for fishing. Doing a needs assessment is problematic because our small county has eleven zip codes, we have four, just in Lois and Hurdlow. AT&T will continue to collect the extra tax from rural areas, while they try to solve the problem. Until they can come up with a solution we can pick blackberry's while the world uses Blackberry's.

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VENTRILOQUIST

Hickernut thinks it's time for a new third party in politics, the Ventriloquist Party. The candidate's lips would not move, therefore he or she would not be lying. The dummy's would be recognisable by the American people and not taken seriously. The dummy's would not be elected, the ventriloquist could not speak, and no new laws to take our freedom could be enacted. The silent majority could lead our country by example, not by talking from both sides of his or her mouth.

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